RAD: A Cinematic Religious Experience
Forget Top Gun, glam rock, and those Amazin' Mets. In 1986 we, as a collective nation, were introduced to the burgeoning underground culture of BMX racing and freestyle with the Oscar-nominated RAD. Although it fell to Back to the Future II in the category of Greatest Film Ever Made EVER, RAD cemented itself in the hearts, minds, and pedals of kids all over the world who were too short for basketball, not strong enough for football, and too white for breakdancing. Now, I know there are still some of you out there who have the balls to question, "What the hell is RAD? It can’t be that good. I've never even heard of it!" Well, that’s probably because you’re the same self-righteous tightass who claims Shakespeare In Love was a cinematic masterpiece.Ok enough of my diatribe on the uninformed, I’m here to talk about Kix cereal, Rocky’s wife, Aunt Becky, and an Olympic gymnast. What does any of this shit have to do with RAD you ask? Guess you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.
So what is RAD actually about? Well, in a nutshell it’s your average underdog story. Except in this case, instead of basketball (Hoosiers), football (Rudy), or any other mainstream sport, RAD is set to BMX racing (mind you this was 20 years ago—before the X Games or even California Games). This was groundbreaking in terms of introducing a new “sport” to Americans everywhere. Our hero, Christopher “Cru” Jones (Bill Allen) is a seemingly hip, rebellious high schooler who has a real talent for riding his bike. When the gigantic factory sponsored pros descend upon his small town of Cochran for the biggest BMX race in history—aptly titled Helltrack—Cru realizes this might be his only opportunity to make something of himself. Can he do it? Will he find true love in the process? Is the soundtrack loaded with cheesy-yet-ridiculously-awesome 80’s songs? Of course, because its RAD.
Now that I’ve given you a short synopsis of the film, let’s expand upon the groundwork. I’ll try and go chronological since well, that’s how my brain works, but I can’t promise I won’t bounce around here or there throughout the article. First off, RAD opens with a great flatland/freestyle trick set that, in 1986, blew my 4-year-old mind away. Through the magic of YouTube I was able to find the clip here. As you can see, Director Hal Needham (Smokey and the Bandit, Cannonball Run) sets the tone right off the bat with an opening tight shot of a couple of riders doing some quarterpipe airs as we literally stare into the sun. It’s as if Jesus himself shone light upon these people, blessing their every trick. In pure 80’s bravado, the title is revealed during a freeze frame, worms-eye view of two riders simultaneously airing off of said quarterpipe. In addition, this is also where the music kicks in with a great guitar riff from John Farnham’s “Break the Ice”. Is it sad that 20 years later I still know all the words to the song, or every other one on the soundtrack for that matter? In a word: no, because it’s the balls.
One of the interesting things about RAD is that these flatland/ramp segments bookend the film and yet they have no bearing on the movie itself. In fact, none of the main “actors” are even present during these montages. So this begs the question: Who the hell are these guys then? Well, if you followed BMX at all like I did, then you’d know they were the freestyle big guns of the day such as: R.L. Osbourne, Martin Aparijo, and Eddie Fiola (Bill Allen actually had to dye his hair darker in order to match Eddie’s, who did most of his stunt work). Naturally all three riders—as well as a hoard of other old school pros—received cameo roles in the film as the other racers during qualifying and Helltrack. Strangely enough people believed these freestyle guys were all racers as well, when in reality this was not the case. Given some of the pros did have a background in racing, but the majority of them were factory sponsored freestyle riders. In today’s terms it’s like taking the AND1 squad and using them to film a NBA movie.
The movie starts off by giving us a taste of Cru’s daily routine as a paperboy alongside his BMX buddies Luke (Jamie Clarke) and Becky (Marta Kober). As an interesting side note, in real life Jamie Clarke is a cross-country skier who has in fact, scaled Mount Everest. Anyways, the brief montage of their separate delivery routes serves to showcase each rider’s ability. Being the lone girl of the bunch, Becky is naturally the worst rider. We get a glimpse of her tossing a paper to some guys fishing (no tricks involved) and that’s about it. To her credit she does have a great emphysema voice going though. Lung cancer’s the best trick she pulls off in the film.
Luke, on the other hand, at least attempts a jump…although he misses the landing and ends up crashing into and over a lady’s station wagon while she’s backing up. What’s amazing about this scene is that her two small boys are in the backseat watching this idiot slam into their car and yet the mother is completely unaware even though it sounds like someone dropped a wrecking ball on her hood. This scene basically sums up the movie: completely unrealistic and yet totally awesome. As if that wasn’t 80’s enough for you to digest, Luke promptly dusts himself off and checks his hair while muttering, “Gnarly!” Yes, gnarly indeed.
As for Cru, he not only attempts some sick tricks, but obviously nails them all. You want a 360 out of a drained pool? Done; A little stop-n-pop backwards riding? He’s gotcha covered; How about riding head first into and through a solid wood fence? Piece of cake. If it wasn’t already clear by the sheer amount of screen time he had in the montage, Cru’s got all the right moves. He’s sort of like Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights...only without the coke problems, the bad perm, and the 20-inch hog.
Moving forward we get to the first of many headscratching moments in the film: The BMX threesome are shown hanging out in a deserted, one-room shack in a seemingly abandoned lumberyard. This poses two questions right off the bat: 1.) Why is there a small cabin in the middle of a lumberyard?; and 2.) Why would three young adults choose to max out in such a place? Oh but it gets better! As the crew is laying around reading BMX Action!, eating Kix, and blaring The Charm King’s “Caught Up In The Crossfire” they hear a siren.
Meandering over to the window, Cru breaks a few blinds and sees Sergeant Smith (H.B. Haggerty) on his police cruiser waiting for them. What happens next is just plain bizarre only-in-Hollywood-movies-type shit. Cru, Luke, and Becky head on outside with their bikes and purposely play cat-and-mouse with the cop because rumor has it, that was the cool thing to do in 1986. Let me reiterate: An on-duty motorcycle patrolman comes to an abandoned lumberyard in order to chase three BMX kids around for fun. Apparently the town of Cochran doesn’t really care about their law enforcement budget if cops can just masquerade around town chasing kids for their own amusement, but I digress. Set to Hubert Kah’s “Get Strange” Sergeant Smith rides around like a Keystone Cop while Cru makes him look like a bald idiot for trying to test his BMX brilliance.
After hopping the fence and fleeing to the street, Cru catches up with Luke and Becky only to tell them he has to jet to go pick up his little sister, Wesley (Laura Jacoby), at school. Ah yes, Wesley, the foul-mouthed comic relief who defends Cru’s reputation as the small-town hero against Bart Connors, the factory-sponsored deity who is coming to Cochran along with 40 or so other pros to race Helltrack. Did I mention she’s able to forge her Mom’s signature in order for Cru to compete in qualifying? Yup, she’s a little angel. Did I also mention that their Mom is Adrienne from Rocky? Weeeeird.
During the welcoming parade for all of the riders and their respective factories, we finally get to see Cru’s love interest—none other than Full House’s Aunt Becky (Lori Loughlin). I might get a lot of heat for saying this but as Christian Hollings, I think she’s by far the most underrated hot chick of the entire decade. That’s right, above Sloane Peterson, Lorraine Banes (the original MILF), and even Ali Mills. But she’s not just easy on the eyes; this bitch can ride. Although we never see her race, we learn through dialogue that she’s the top female rider in the country. This fact is also evident through the #1 plate on her bike (although with potential challengers like Lung Cancer Becky, it’s not that much of a compliment). However, she does deserve a huge compliment for looking ungodly hot in that form-fitting Mongoose shirt at the end. Seriously, she is to sexy what Stephen Hawking is to paralyzed-semi-robotic-super-geniuses.
It’s during this same parade where we finally meet Cru’s foil: the arrogant cockface Bart Taylor (Bart Connor). And yes, for those select few out there that might remember, that same Bart Connor was a gold medallist in the 1984 Olympics as a gymnast. While driving the Team Mongoose Blazer, he and his cronies make snide 80’s villain remarks about the small town atmosphere of Cochran (“I’m surprised the roads are even paved!”). Apparently Hal Needham thought we wouldn’t be able to tell who the “bad guys” are in this flick and decided to beat us over the head with obvious dialogue such as this. But let’s go back to the cronies for a second. In typical 1980’s fashion we have a pair of identical twins named Rod and Rex Reynolds, along with two pieces of eye candy appropriately named “Tiger” and “Foxy”.
Although the Reynolds twins tend to finish each other’s sentences, wear matching outfits, and act overtly homosexual, they apparently both bang the same chick since she’s always hanging on them. I’m going to venture a guess that it’s “Tiger” since she’s the one they dance with during their totally 80’s hip dance scene and she happens to be wearing a lycra one-piece tiger striped outfit (if anyone knows this part and can find me a picture of it I’ll send you an autographed picture of my nuts…seriously someone please find it). Ed. Note: Upon further review and thanks to some feedback, the Reynolds twins in fact dance with “Foxy” not “Tiger”, despite the irony of wearing a Tiger-like outfit. This is made clear through dialogue in which Bart casually calls his girl Tiger.
Speaking of the dance, this segues nicely to one of the most memorable scenes in the entire film, if not the entire decade. I won’t ruin it for you because frankly, I can’t put into words how utterly tremendous yet dated this aptly titled “bicycle boogie” sequence is; but keep in mind it has the three key ingredients of any great 80’s montage: sequins, slow motion, and a great theme song. Once again thanks to YouTube for posting the entire segment here. Four quick points before we move on: 1.) After watching this movie thousands of times on VHS and online, it’s hilarious how obvious the stunt doubles are during the wide shots. 2.) I know it’s really fucking gay that I noticed this, but there’s no way in hell Christian would be able to do any of these tricks in high heels. Not possible. 3.) Speaking of her shoes, they change from normal to heeled throughout the scene. 4.) When Cru is riding off the balance beam you can clearly see the extended ramp next to it that was supposed to remain hidden. On a related note, I was single then and it’s becoming more and more obvious why.
One of the major conflicts of the film is Cru’s battle with his mother over qualifying for Helltrack. Coincidentally, the qualifying races fall on the exact same day he had planned to make up his SATs. Naturally Cru goes against his mother’s wishes and fills out the application to race anyways because, as he puts it, “the only thing I’m good at is riding this BIKE!”
Unfortunately his mother doesn’t seem to have a job in this movie and as she’s ironing while watching the race, she spots Cru in the crowd and storms out of the house after him. Now not only is this preposterous considering she protested the race (and Cru wanting to participate), but she even leaves the iron on as she leaves the house. I guess she took one too many left hooks from Rocky back in the day. Luckily there’s John Farnham’s “Thunder In Your Heart” to distract us from all that nonsense.
After qualifying as the lone local rider and having a brief but confrontational argument with his mother in which he promises to take his SATs in 6 months, Cru has finally made it; Helltrack here we come! Oh wait, the sleazy Team Mongoose owner Duke Best (Jack Weston) has his own agenda and wants to fuck Cru out of the race. Wait, an 80’s movie with a cheesy conflict? Say what? Well, since Best already has merchandise/money/corporate backing all banking on Bart Taylor winning Helltrack, he can’t be bothered by this local yokel screwing up his plans. So what does he do? The same thing any of us would do if we had money, power, and a devious plot to take over the BMX world: try and pay Cru to throw the race. Of course Cru declines because this is a movie folks, and in real life, anyone in their right mind would take an extra fucking $10,000 (in addition to the $10K he already won for qualifying). But no, not our valiant hero; he knows this is an 80’s movie and 80’s heroes make the moral choice because there are no real world ramifications (and he’ll still get to pound Christian). However, once Cru declines the offer, Best plays hardball and sets up a series of obstacles to keep Cru out of Helltrack.
First he makes it mandatory that each rider must have a sponsor to race. Well luckily for Cru, his entire school comes to his defense by using the $10,000 he got for qualifying to create the RAD Racing Team. They make shirts and sell them to the local public to try and help Cru get a shot at Helltrack.
When that doesn’t work, Best makes up another rule stating that any rider who qualifies can only be eligible if their sponsor has had sales in excess of at least $50,000 during the previous year. Of course this pisses off Cru even more to the point that he runs away to the lumberyard shack to sulk. After a short vaginal squabble with Christian, it’s evident Cru has hit rock bottom. Once again the town rallies to Cru’s defense though and thanks to a generous donation from the salty Burton Timmer (Ray Walston)—or as many of you know him, Mr. Hand—they are able to raise enough money for Cru to meet the eligibility requirements.
In one final and desperate attempt, Best (now drinking Jack and bordering on a meltdown) calls a private meeting with the Reynolds twins and Bart. In one fell swoop he looks at the twins and utters, “All you have to do is take out that kid,” then turning to Taylor he pauses, “...and all you have to do is win.”
Well enough talk people, you know what time it is. Helltrack. Right now. A handful of the world’s top factory riders waiting at the top of a three-story drop. So what was the actual race like during shooting? Well, thanks to Kevin “Sheep Dog” Hill who was a featured GT sponsored rider, he gave BMX Mania some great insight:
"When I got there they were still finishing the track. I could not believe what I was seeing. The starting hill was huge and steep. The hardest things were the cereal bowl, the cliffhanger and the starting hill. Everything was shot in sections starting with the first turn and working around the track. The last thing to be filmed at Helltrack was the start of the race. The reason for this was because nobody wanted to be the first one to ride down [the 25 foot drop]. Every day we were there filming we would try to figure out the best way down the start and who was going to try it first."
So how does it all end? Well, naturally the Reynolds twins hold true to their promise and take Cru out. A guy named “Hollywood” Mike Miranda gets punished for wearing the gayest outfit in professional racing history. Bart Taylor turns on his own Mongoose teammates and avenges Cru.
In one final act of marvelous-yet-completely-unnecessary splendor, Cru (stunt double Jose Yanez) pulls off the backflip he’s been practicing throughout the movie. This part is reminiscent of any sports training montage because you just knew at some point he would want/need to backflip and—WHAM—there it is. Actually, it reminds me most of Bloodsport when Jean-Claude Van Damme is trying to grab a fish while blindfolded. Throughout the scene you get the overwhelming feeling a similar scenario will come into play later in the film. RAD is no different.
As far as the finale of the movie, I won’t ruin it, but I think it’s more than obvious what takes place. Nevermind, that’s a boldfaced lie because I have a few things I need to discuss about the ending. 1.) Cru should NOT have won Helltrack. Bart Taylor lost that race, plain and simple. If he hadn’t stopped and challenged Cru one-on-one, I probably wouldn’t be writing this article. 2.) Isn’t it a coincidence that all of the “actors” in the race (Cru, Bart, and the Reynolds twins) all have full-face helmets and goggles on? Luckily as a youth I was too stupid to realize what a stuntman was. 3.) Whoever edited this film either has Alzheimer’s or can predict the future because we constantly see crowd reactions before anything happens. 4.) In the final scene, Cru and Bart hoist up his Mongoose and welcome him as a member of the RAD team. Not surprisingly, it’s a freeze frame. Um, what? Look, I know it’s cool to end the movie on a freeze frame but when you take a step back and reanalyze it, the whole thing is just lame. Ok you’ve raised the bike, now what? All you can do from here is um, put it back down again. Hooray. Oh well, at least you can kick back and enjoy the flatland segment as the sun sets and the credits roll.
